Addiction

It leaves its marks. In the beginning you try to hide it. It doesn't have social acceptance always. In certain situations it is okay, but not always. Eventually your family starts to wonder, why you spent so much time in certain places and with certain people. Where all money goes and why you go to garage before coming home.

And when you drop it out and get "sober", there is always another addiction just behind corner waiting you.

Mine started 1998. I could handle it pretty well. You could say I was master, not slave. 2008 it got little worse, yet I was the boss still. 2016 it started to get bad, yet I was able to handle it somehow. 2018 I was dropping deep and I felt almost drowning, somehow I was not truly in deep end yet.

2022 was worst since 1998, something happened and I was sucked in something unknown for me. 2024 I felt even deeper and had another serious addiction starting. I thought it would pass and I could still be master.

I was so wrong. I drop one out and another one is just behind corner. They say that there will be always addiction in our life, drugs, alcohol, something. I have made lot of bad decisions in my life, luckily one has never been waking 5am and going jogging.

I can't really think of anything else nowadays, I am not master anymore. It got me and as I can't beat it, I have to live with it.

I have three of those in fact. Two came only few years ago and one has been since 1998. Two younger ones are mango and snooker. Oldest is fly fishing, that fucker doesn't give single day peace. If I'm not casting it reminds that I should be. If I cast it says one more doesn't hurt. When I fish, 5 more casts doesn't hurt you. Family is waiting, I think they start to know. Maybe that's why my kids banned me from local outdoor shop.

I'm quite sure my wife knows that something is wrong, she probably doesn't know how bad it is. Sometimes I wake up 3 am and start to remember some fishing trips which I have done alone, yet mostly the ones we made together. I might even do small casting movements when laying in bed.

I don't think I will ever win it.  I have bad withdrawal symptoms during winter. I fill my life with something, casting if weather gives any change. Mango or anything mango base bring it on, I love it. Snooker, if possible I could do all night long.

Hi, my name is Mika and I have problem. I am AF, Anonymous Flycaster. Luckily I have good gears now so I don't need to shop all the time new. Well I could use new reel and waders, and wading shoes and some flies. And I would like to go fishing.

It is -15 celsius here, lakes are frozen, snow on ground. There is no hope before May. Addiction eats slowly, it doesn’t kill.... yet.

Have a nice weekend and go fishing you sick bastards!

Mika the Legend