Paul Arden | Monday, 11 May 2026
I’ve mentioned it before; at this time of year in the jungle, bees find my socks irresistible. Although because I don’t wear socks nowadays – for the obvious reason – it is my bike shoes that are the next best thing. Bees adore them. They sneak in at first light, while I’m trying to sleep in the hammock, and try to fly off with my shoes.
I don’t know if you’ve ever tried sleeping in a hammock with the buzzing of dozens of bees flying around, but if you haven’t then let me tell you that it is a surprisingly stressful experience. You try to ignore them and tell yourself that the world needs bees, that they pollinate the trees and produce amazing honey, which the Orang Asli collect to sell at the public jetty, and is well known for its tangy sweetness. Less well known is why. But at some point, usually when one flies into your face, you need to get up and find the frying pan in order to make your escape.
(No bees were permanently harmed in the making of this Front Page, although a few have been squarely thumped.)
And that was my morning today.
This week I’ve been trying to catch a Gourami. I haven’t caught as many Gourami as I would have liked (I would liked to have caught 1). The reason for this is because I’ve been teaching in the mornings and evenings, as well as Zooming with Nick and going through online lessons (theory, practise and drills) and messaging back and forth with Andy the Redneck on rod builds. And… we have had many evening storms as well. I did have one either eat the fly or pretend to eat the fly. I suspect the latter because there was nothing at the other end of the strike.
But on the plus side I’m getting pretty nifty with the frying pan. And trying to swipe one of these jungle bees mid-air involves a skill level very close to taking shots at Snakehead.
So I’m evolving.
For those of you finding yourself in a similar situation, I have some advice that may be of help. Firstly you want a medium action frying pan. Too heavy and you will break your wrist. And always check the handle first – the last thing you want is the “tip section” flying away.
Controversial I know, but I find a closed stance posture, with weight predominantly on the front foot (but with the ability to quickly shift weight to the rear foot – if a bee attacks), facilitates both an aggressive backhand swipe as well as a more natural forehand swipe. In my case, because I’m facing the stern of the boat, backhand swipes swipe bees to port and forehand swipes swipe bees to starboard. But you can reverse that if you are standing the wrong way around, or are left-handed.
For more advanced swipers and/or more sustained bee attacks, I have a move that goes left-right, left-right, left-right very quickly and repeated multiple times. To a casual observer it may appear to be panic, but it is in fact a deliberate move, often followed by immediate retreat to where I can hide in the shower cubical. If you have left your shoes in the shower cubical by mistake, then drop the pan and dive over the side. Snorkels provided.
This week we have a family meeting in town (Kuala Lumpur) and I’ll do some swimming on the trip. Training is going well. You need to be fit to fight bees.
Today’s POD. I don’t have any UFO sightings I can release to distract you from the fact that I didn’t catch a Gourami last week. But I do have this one of the Loch Ness Monster.
Have a great week!
Cheers, Paul